Thursday 30th May 2019

For this exercise I have to keep a diary for a minimum of two weeks and this is something that I am hesitant or maybe resistant to do.

I have tried keeping a diary for this assignment previously and found it boring to write and boring to read. I know I was reluctant to reveal what I was thinking and so it just became a list of things I did during the day. For this attempt I am going to try and be more forthcoming but I feel uncomfortable about this. Why is this and what does it say about me? Perhaps I will find out.

I have been mulling over the feedback I received for assignment two and whilst I think it is fair it has left me a unsure as to what I am doing for this course and why I embarked on the BA course at all.

I do not think I am particularly creative and when I am confronted with exercises and assignments my mind goes blank, rather than having lots ideas and things to say I find I almost withdraw; withdraw not explore. How to change the way I approach these projects? The feedback for assignment two was disappointing in that it was valid but I liked some of the images, they just didn’t tell much of a story or rather they were too literal and interpretation of it.

When I Iook at other students blogs I feel as I am not sufficiently engaged and yet I do spent what I think is quite a lot of time working on the course so I’m not sure If I am just not using my time wise or if the other students spend more time on their coursework. I’m not sure what to do.

I’ve been reading the The Self-Portraiture by James Hall and although it is interesting it hasn’t really given me any inspiration. So far of the work I have looked at, Vivian Maier has been the most interesting. I probably just need to buy a Rolleiflex and shoot film!

Outside the world of OCA the shitshows that are Brexit and the Tory Party leadership contest continue to make the news, along with Trump, it is all very depressing.

T and A have given their notice on the flat and will be moving back in the next few weeks, I’m not sure how I feel about it, having the house invaded and A bringing her do across from Canada but as they want to be in Cambridge I know it is the right thing to do even if there will be a bit of turmoil in the short term.

Friday 31st May

Good meeting yesterday at JS and I bumped into someone I worked with there  nearly 30 years ago. We had a brief chat and it was a bit alarming when I we realised how many years it was since we worked together.

When I was walking back from the meeting I took a picture of an electric bike that you can hire via an app. I took a picture as I thought I could use it for my re-worked assignment 2 but I’m still not sure how to develop this assignment. I think I’m still caught between broadening the electricity theme or making a more general point about technology.

Today we are off to Munich to see M and to watch the football with her and J tomorrow. I will be great to see her but I can’t say I’m looking forward to the football. I think M and M will be so disappointed if Liverpool lose, especially after last year, and I feel very tense about it. I’m not sure when this dislike of watching live sport developed but I never used to feel this way about watching matches. Maybe it is because I have never  been a supporter so have never had anything invested in the result and now because of M and M’s support I’ve have by association. However, it does not only apply to football and I think it might be an unwillingness to invest time in watching something that I find unsatisfying. Perhaps it’s and age thing, who knows?

T and A go and pick up Steve today, I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, nor probably is T, and when they move back I think it will be a bit of a challenge but I think it is the right thing for them to do so we will just have to see how it goes.

After re-installing and uninstalling both Runtastic and Strava I have given up with both of them and have installed Runkeeper instead and very excitingly, it works! I went out yesterday after work for a ran 6.4km and I the new app uploaded the time and the route, a big improvement over the other apps. My time was 5.25min/km and it was hard going because it was very warm. It would have been a good day to take a picture for my self-portrait assignment as I was dripping with sweat, but I forgot to do so.

Although I have looked at various photographers for inspiration for assignment three I’m really unclear about how to develop it. Off to do some more research now in the hope that I can find some inspiration!

Saturday 1st June 2019

Sunday 2nd June 2019

Monday 3rd June 2019

Tuesday 4th June 2019

Wednesday 5th June 2019

Yesterday was a good day, I got lots of things done so my to do list shrunk quite a bit. M is coming home on Friday for a week, it was lovely to see her at the weekend and whilst she and J seem very happy, I think she is counting the days until she is finished with work. Whilst she has been away we have been using her bedroom as a store (junk) room so there is a lot of sorting out to do before Friday! When she is back we need to sort out when I will go and collect her and no sooner will she be back than it will be time to take her off to Leeds! I haven’t been running since last week and know that I need to. In the past if I was up at his time I would have gone out but at the moment I am feeling so tired and am lacking motivation. That seems to be a bit of a theme! After a slow start the chillies T bought me for Christmas, that I planted a few weeks ago, are starting to grow. There aren’t many seedlings yet but at least something is happening. My tomatoes on the other hand seem to be making good progress with lots of flowers and some small tomatoes starting to form. All we need now is some sunshine to get things moving along. When we were at the airport on Sunday evening T told me C had been trying to get hold of me so I gave him a call as I thought it might be something urgent. It turns out he wanted to ‘invite’ me and M to Susan’s funeral! I only met her twice and so I was not keen to go but I know her death has really, understandably, upset C. I checked my work diary and I am in Belgium on the day concerned so I can avoid going with a clear conscience. Luckily C and D are going so he will have them to support him. I will give him a call this evening after I have been to see S to give him the news.

Thursday 6th June 2019

Today it is 28 years since M’s father died, always a difficult day for her. We were talking about it at the weekend and she mentioned that T will be the same age in October as she was when M died. Sobering. I’ve realised looking at my entries that during the week are less interesting as most of my time is spend working which at the moment is not very exciting! I met R&M who were back from their stay in New York, they both enjoyed it and M said if he got the opportunity to go there permanently he would do so, R was a little more circumspect. She said it was great, the art & culture, music, food etcetera but I she said that part of the enjoyment was that it was like an extended holiday, they always knew they were coming back. They had picked up N after his 3 – 4 months travelling around South East Asia, they said he had had a great time and when I saw him, briefly, he appears to have lost a lot of weight. I spoke to C and told him I can’t go to Susan’s funeral which he was ok about. Did a couple of runs which were around 5.30 min/km. Felt slow but it was good to do some exercise. Still a bit all over the place with coursework, I know I have to get on with things but I’m not really making any progress, hopefully I can over the weekend but with M back who knows?

Friday 7th June 2019

A pretty sobering day, we had D over last night for supper, she and M don’t like to be alone on the anniversary of M’s death. Twenty-eight years ago and still keenly felt. E had been to Addenbrookes for his test results, Prostate cancer and apparently quite aggressive. The good news is the treatment is medication not surgery so he and M can go on holiday next week. T and A and Steve arrived just before D left, A is going to work with M whilst M is on holiday. Steve and Dexter have still got to find a way of co-existing; not much sign of it yet!

Coursework continues to be a bit of a struggle and I think I will have to re-schedule my next tutorial, with being away last weekend, M coming back tonight, trying to get T and A moved back from Norwich, there doesn’t seem to be much time.

In the bye-election yesterday Labour managed to hold on to Peterborough, glad the Brexit Party didn’t win but not sure what it means for Labour, more navel-gazing probably. There is an unreal feeling about Brexit at the moment, lots of posturing by Tory leadership candidates, but no real progress. All very depressing. I was talking to M when we cam back from Munich and she said M would like to go back to Germany once she had finished her degree and I can’t say I blame her. Whilst she is back we need to sort out when she wants to be picked up, it doesn’t seem that long ago since we had our road trip to take her out there. I’m looking forward to seeing her tonight and I think she will enjoy the change of environment, a bit of pampering and away from the unconscious (?) sexism of her colleagues.

Saturday 8th June 2019

A frustrating day at work trying to do budgeting, the system was so slow that it took ages. T and A did supper so M and I took Steve out for a walk. She would spend all day if she could running after a ball and bringing it back. Although she is sweet I’m still not a fan of dogs generally and she and Dexter still haven’t worked out a way to co-exist. M flew back from Munich and her flight was delayed. When I picked her up she burst into tears, she was tired from the flight being delayed but I think that since the end of the football season she is finding work a drag. I know she hasn’t got too long and I hope that having a week at home will lift her spirits. As A has found sleeping with Steve problematic, because Steve doesn’t sleep, M said we would have her in with us last night! In the end she was not too bad, sleeping until 5.30. I got up and tried to get her to go outside for a wee but unsurprisingly she didn’t go outside she went in the kitchen! That’s why I’m not keen on dogs. Afterwards we went out for a walk, I threw the ball and she chased it for 40 minutes and luckily when we came back she was quite calm. I don’t know how it will work once T and A get jobs and their own place but I will not be sad to see Steve go!

Sunday 9th June 2019

Back from taking Steve for a walk. Yesterday was pretty miserable but it did brighten up in the afternoon. Cooked with T in the evening and left M &M watching Love Island before going to bed.

Monday 10th June 2019

Yesterday was a better day than Sunday and it was quite warm in the afternoon, a bit of a shame for Pride which would I’m sure would have had a better crowd if the weather had been warm and dry. I went out and took some pictures of nothing in particular. M, M, T and A were doing their various things. It’s nice to have M at home for a while. Her term does not start until the end of September so I think she will be back for 5-6 weeks. I need to get on and book the Eurotunnel and hotels for when I go and pick her up.

Tuesday 11th June 2019

Very wet yesterday, and only slightly better today. Quiet at work as it was a public holiday in Belgium. M and A were working and M gave blood. T was job hunting but I’m never sure how diligent he is being. Once M has gone back to Germany I need to have a talk with him and A about their plans and how they get themselves into a position where they earn enough to be able to afford a place of their own. It is a bit of a culture shock going from a house with two of us and a cat to, at the moment, five adults, a cat and a dog! I was talking to Richie and he has a similar problem with his daughter moving back home complete with her dog. Not much happening with regards to my course, the cooking, clearing up and generally doing stuff around the house seem to take up a lot of time. I’m slightly two -faced about this as on one hand I would like others to chip in and help but on the other I get frustrated at their, to me, half-hearted efforts.

Wednesday 12th June 2019

Fed up with the weather, so much for flaming June! Had a chat with T last might about what he wants to do and he seemed very down. I would still like him to finish his PGCE but he’s pretty adamant that he does not want to. I tried to tell him he needed to be more persistent with his job hunting without coming over like I’m lecturing him but I’m not sure how well I achieved that. It doesn’t matter how old they are, children are a worry! With M back this week and with T and A trying to sort their move back from Norwich, nothing much has happened coursewise, I’ve tried working on the exercise on Diane Arbus but somewhat half-heartedly.

I think looking back at my diary entries over the last two weeks I’m am struck by a couple of points, I haven’t enjoyed writing what has been happening in my life for the last fortnight. Observations about the weather, Brexit or running are not very interesting. I also realise that although my intention was to be more forthcoming than when I tried keeping a diary previously, my entries are still quite guarded, I don’t want to reveal too much of what I’m doing or thinking. I think  this is something I will explore in my submission for assignment 3.